Day 9

4 Jun

Today’s entry is a little different. We slept in this morning, then rode the Zion bus to the end of the scenic drive. There we walked the trail to the Narrows. The Narrows is literally a ten-mile walk up a river (really) into a narrower and narrower slot canyon. We stopped when the Narrows started. The temperature was 102 degrees and a 2 ½ mile walk had done us in. We saw some thistles, columbine, false Solomon’s seal, shooting star and a wild penstemon — all different from similar plants in North Georgia.

However, what I really want to discuss, with some delicacy, is our bathroom. We are staying in a very nice lodge right on the edge of the Park. Here is a photo from our window; nice view.

Anyway, when I first entered the, uh, toilet room I thought that the toilet itself might have jet age features. There was a control panel on the side. I had visions of being able to take off and drive the toilet around the suite, maybe even over to the Park. Close inspection revealed something else; our toilet had a bidet attachment. I first heard of the bidet in college in a Henry Miller novel. An American tourist in France encountered a bidet, and, not knowing any better, just made the best of the situation, creating what the French call a faux pas – use your best Alex Trebek French here.

At that time, I got the idea, sort of. A bidet could make one “squeaky clean.” I did not really know the intricacies of the fixture, and this was long before the internet. The best my roommate could manage was, “Hunh?” so I lived in bidet Limbo.

I number of years ago, Lee and Ken Proctor wallpapered a new house in Calhoun that had a bidet in the bathroom. I proposed a newspaper article titled, “The Bidet Moves North from Atlanta.” There was much merriment about local builders contemplating the bidet, “What is this thing, Lonnie?” I don’t know, Donnie, but you’ve heard about them French, aintcha?” Still. Specific bidet instructions were hard to come by..

Maybe you, my sophisticated readers, have bidets available throughout your homes, but I do not. I am confronted with a bidet in the privacy of my own hotel room, though. There are labeled buttons on a side panel. The seat has a heat adjustment, and the usage seems clear. (If the bidet is not part of your life, Google “bidet, how to use,” for enlightenment. The Wikipedia folks think of everything.)

Having studied the bidet and considered its functions, my question is what if the shower or bidet function is too fast, too cold, or too big a surprise. Will one shout “whoo — ee!” and leap up; will there be a flood in the bathroom?

Surely things can be adjusted, but I am not sure. So, Lee and I stand at the bathroom door, regarding the bidet, and recall those hardy pioneers who first stood at the head of Zion Canyon and regarded the task before them.

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One Response to “Day 9”

  1. Craig June 5, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    Of course I had to go online to see what was available in electronic bidets, and found one that you too can have at home. It actually takes the place of your toilet seat. And for an internet special price of $499 it even come with a remote control to operate everything. You should get each other one for Christmas…

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